Boston

Reflection on other 'love' posts

Surprisingly, most of the posts I read on whether "to love or not to love", were in favor of loving. I noticed a common theme between the blog posts that posed the question, "what if you fall in love and the other person does not feel the same?" or "What if someone says that they love you but they don't really mean it?". What I began to wonder after reading one of these posts is how do people know what love is and if they are truly in love or not? Since there aren't set guidelines to love, how can people be so sure? Some people think that it does not matter what age you are, it's about what you feel. But I believe that no matter how "in love" you think you are when you're young, it is not true love. Kids these days just like the thought of being in love, or like the way it sounds. Love takes experience and time. Yes we will have to go through different relationships and heartbreaks in order to find our one true love, but it's worth it. You cannot say that you love someone when you aren't experienced enough to know what love actually is. So even though loving someone is taking risks, if you try hard enough, you can find the right person who will teach you what love really means.

To love or not to love?

When I think of love I think of a feeling that cannot be prevented. It can be a strong desire, like a parent's love for their children or how a person loves their significant other. It can also be materialistic, like loving chocolate or a television show. In a typical romance movie, a couple falls in love, gets into a small argument, and then ends up getting back together in the end("happily ever after"). These types of movies show that love is easy and wonderful. After watching these movies, who wouldn't want to love? But then there are the depressing romance movies where a couple falls deeply in love, and then one of them dies and the other person is left, completely heartbroken. Or two people in love get into a fight and one of them runs off with another person, while the other person is left all alone. These movies snap people back into reality and help show that love really isn't just a sappy love story, and is much more complicated.

I don't believe that people can choose whether or not to fall in love. Love is a natural, human instinct and even if you don't want to fall in love, you cannot prevent it.  Some people refuse to fall in love or get married or have children. They want to be independent and want to save themselves from getting hurt. But usually these feelings are sparked by a past experience with love that hurt them, and they try to build up walls to keep themselves safe. People experience love multiple times with different people, sometimes it may be true or it may be something that appeared to be love but wasn't. Some relationships don't work out. But I don't think giving up is the answer. If one love doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be, and there is another one waiting for you.

To answer the question, "to love or not to love?" I would choose to love because even though there is that risk of heartbreak and pain, I think the positives outweigh the negatives. I would want to fall in love with someone and have someone to talk to about anything, and just have someone that makes me happy. I grew up surrounded by love from my parents, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles and it just seems like a given. I would like to fall in love with someone someday and get married to them because I've never imagined my future without a husband in it. Despite the consequences that love may have, I believe that it is worth a try.

Going Childless

As I am growing up, I always think of having children as a given. I watch how my mom loves and takes care of her children, how my aunts, my grandmothers and neighbors love and take care of their children. Growing up in a town and being surrounded by many families with two or three children each, having children in the future just seemed to be the normal thing to do. I never thought of going childless. 

 One of my friends today told me that she never wanted to have children, and I thought that was so weird to hear. But after reading the article "None Is Enough" by Lauren Sandler, I gained some new insight on reasons why some women choose not to have kids, and I understood my friend more. Most of the women in the article are worried about their career and how they would not be able to focus on it as much with the responsibility of children. Most of the women also want to live a free and happy life without being tied down. I began to think about these reasons and going childless does not seem as bad as I thought it would be. First of all, I would not mind missing out on the 9 months filled with nausea, hot flashes, back pain etc. I would not be missing out on the painful labor that childbirth causes. Also, I'm not good with anything medical or having to do with the hospital so the less I have to deal with those things, the better. Jenna Johnson said that since she did not have any children, she is able to: "buy an unnecessary beautiful object, plan trips with [her] aging parents, sleep in, spend a day without speaking to a single person...". Johnson's quote shows that being childless can be very relaxing and there is not really a need (for her anyway) to have children. Being childless has its positives, but it also has its negatives. A negative of childlessness is that since motherhood has "become such a constant din", many people will question and often judge you for choosing not to have children. Another negative is that when you grow up and all of your friends and the people around you are having babies, you will feel a sense of loneliness and your bond with your friends might not be as close as they used to be. The last negative, for me, about going childless is that you will never be able to experience the strong love that most mothers have for their children. You won't be able to raise a child of your own and teach them your own values and watch them grow up.

So even though "going childless" has its perks, I think I will choose to have children of my own so I can watch them grow up and be an awesome parent.

Parent Interview

Me: So, did you always want kids growing up?
Mom: Yes.
Dad: Yes.
Me: What were your goals for your future children?
Mom: Let's see... I mean I guess when I was little I always wanted children but I only thought of them as little, not as adults. Until I had my first child then I realized that I wanted him to lead a long, happy healthy life and I feel that way about all my children.
Dad: To do well in school, go to college and to be happy.
Me: Would you say that your parents were strict?
Mom: My father was strict.
Dad: Yes in some respects.
Me: What were they?
Dad: Curfew, not letting me go far away from home, when I was little of course.
Me: Do you see yourself parenting in similar ways as your parents?
Mom: Yes.
Dad: Yes.
Me: In what ways?
Mom: Teaching good manners, good English, I get mad at the same things like I don't like talking back, or I say things that my mother said.
Me: Are you glad you had 3 children?
Mom: Yes.
Dad: Yes, but we wish I had more.
Me: How many more?
Dad: 2.
Me: Do you wish you had more than 3 children Mom?
Mom: No, 3 is good.
Me: What is the best lesson you've taught me?
Mom: How to be kind
Dad: and compassionate to others and to appreciate what you have.
Me: Did having children strengthen your relationship or make it harder?
Both: Strengthened.
Mom: When you have babies, lack of sleep, diapers, it's hard but it was all worth it. Dad still hasn't slept a full night since you were born.
Dad: (laughed) It was a sacrifice, but worth it.
Me: What have you learned from your children?
Dad: To stop at 3.
(Both laughed)
Me: No Dad, like the lessons that we've taught you.
Mom: what a challenge it is to be patient, that the love you have for your children is bigger than you thought love could be. It's just different like when you say "Mom would you go on that giant roller coaster to save my life?" I hate roller coasters but I would still go on it for my children.
Me: Dad, how about you? What are the lessons that we've taught you?
Dad: To be less strict and to be more compassionate.
Me: What goals do you have for yourself as a parent?
Mom: To be a better guide for them into adulthood.
Dad: Exactly, and to help them be self sufficient and independent. And to be there when my children need me.
Me:What do you think you could do better/differently to prepare us for the real world?
Dad: Do more volunteer work with you, give you more chores around the house, teach you more religious values, and teach you how to cook. Oh and not to be a procrastinator and stay up until 12 doing your homework, Samantha.
Me: (rolls eyes) And how about you Mom?
Mom: To teach you guys how to be self confident.
Me: What is it like to have a child who lives across the country?
Mom: Um, I'm not going to say sad, I mean I'm happy for him because he's making a living out there and he's found positive things to do in his life but it's hard because I miss him and I wish I could see him.
Dad: I wish I could see him and spend more time with him.
Me: Would you keep us in Massachusetts if you could?
Dad: No.
Me: Why not?
Dad: Because I want you to pursue the best opportunities for you if that happens to be in New York City, Florida or Georgia it doesn't matter.
Mom: Not necessarily Massachusetts, I would like you to not be far but if that's what you have to do. I mean you have to let go, that's something that having children teaches you. Like look at Noah, I want to wrap him in bubble wrap but I can't!
Me: What lessons do you hope we will take away from your parenting and pass onto our own children?
Mom: How to be loving.
Dad: Caring, charitable
Me: What do you mean by "charitable"?
Dad: To put your time in helping others.
Mom: Always tell your children you love them even when they say that they hate you.
Me: Okay, thank you guys for letting me interview you, love ya.
Both: Love you too.

Love

Islands(acoustic) ~ Young the Giant
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wjlcVY5XAg

Daily Exposures

After reading "Broken Things" by Sara Teasdale a second time, I realized a deeper meaning to the poem. The first time when I wrote my thoughts on this poem, I just said that Sara Teasdale was trying to connect with strangers and tell them that broken things can be good and beautiful. The second time I read it, I realized that Teasdale is trying to let her audience know that it is okay to be broken. It's okay to let out all your feelings, to cry, and to let yourself take risks that might hurt you. She suggests that in life you are made and supposed to break so you can put yourself back together again. Teasdale's poem showed me that I shouldn't worry all the time about the outcome of trying new things (I don't mean drugs, alcohol, etc.)  and whether or not they will hurt me. I should take risks because the worst that could happen was that I'd feel broken for a little while, but everyone eventually gets put back together.